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Meeting new people for singles over the age of 40 can be difficult in a college town, but many are finding success with alternative dating services.

Nearly every Friday night Marge Etzig joins friends and strangers for a chance to have a drink and socialize at Conroy's Pub before heading out for a bite to eat.  Etzig and the others are members of a singles group for older-age people called the Lawrence Over 40 Singles Club. 

After her divorce in 1993, Etzig joined her first singles club and has been a member of at least six different singles groups ever since.

"If your really interested in looking for somebody you really have to get out amongst other people, in singles groups, in volunteer work, anything that's going to get you out where there's people your own age," said Etzig.

For women and men 40 and over such as Etzig, dating, relationships and even making new friends can sometimes be a challenge.  Living in a college town adds to this challenge, but fortunately singles clubs and online dating, which continue to gain in popularity, help connect single men and women around Lawrence with ease and success. 

Although Lawrence may at times be referred to as an art and music town or a border rival town, it is a college town at heart.  With the University of Kansas sitting in the center of Lawrence, it is inevitable that the rest of the city adjust and cater to the younger demographic of college students.   This means that many of the bars, night clubs and other hang out spots that facilitate social activities usually exclude people in their 40s and older looking for a place to mingle on a Friday or Saturday night.

"There isn't a general place that you can go and say this is where I need to go to try and find somebody," said Etzig.

As a result, singles clubs serve as a way for older-aged singles to date, form relationships, make new friends or simply socialize with others their own age.   According to Etzig, the clubs are a great way for singles to meet other singles and form connections.

Unfortunately, Lawrence does not have many of these clubs to offer to older citizens, and the few that are available sometimes lack in numbers.

"As far as singles groups in Lawrence, Over 40 Singles is the only one that I know of right now," said Etzig.

According to Etzig, some nights the club may have four people show up while other nights there may be 12.  In her opinion places like Kansas City have a lot more to offer because there are more clubs to choose from and more places to hang out that don't center on college-age students.

However, for those people from Lawrence who are a member of a singles group, whether through their local church or a specific organization, satisfaction is almost guaranteed.

For some, this satisfaction may come from finding a partner, but for others this could simply be in making new friends.  Contrary to what many people may think of singles clubs, they are not just to find men and women.  Many members are just looking for someone to spend time with, go out with or socialize with.

An online survey conducted by Harris Interactive on behalf of Chemisry.com between March 30 and April 3, 2007, among a nationwide sample of 2,549 U.S. adults age 18 and older revealed that close to 50 percent of those surveyed preferred to be single and dating rather than married.

 
Survey courtesy of Chemistry.com

"I try to get out and mingle with other people not because I want to date anybody, that's not my criteria," said Etzig.  "I joined the group to meet other people because the more people you meet the more diverse group you're going to have."

Perhaps for those people who are not extroverts like Etzig, online dating may be the answer. 

According to a Feb. 23, 2009, article by Belinda Luscombe for TIME based on U.S. census figures, 84 million Americans ages 20-75 are unmarried or separated.  This gives online dating sites a large number of potential clients. 

In college towns such as Lawrence where it's harder for people in there 50s and 60s to just go out and find someone, online dating sites provide a welcome alternative.  An article by Sheyna Sears-Roberts Alterovitz and Gerald A. Mendelsohn of the University of California Berkeley written in a 2009 article for the American Psychological Association said that, "it is increasingly common for single older adults to be involved in dating, and many are turning to computers to enhance their social networks."

Most people have heard of popular, nation-wide sites like eHarmony and Match.com, but there are also local online dating services.  Douglascosingles.net is a local online dating site specifically for people in Douglas County. 

And perhaps if dating sites don't do the trick, online personal adds may work better.  Popular shopping sites like Yahoo! and Craigslist also have personal add sections where users can place posts and look for companions that way. 

While Etzig admits that many of her friends use online dating services with success, she still prefers singles clubs and networking organizations that include more social interaction and incorporate not only dating but building friendships as well.

"There's a lot of uncertainty when you go online and try to hook up with somebody that way," said Etzig. 

Getting out and being a part of the community creates the best opportunity for meeting someone according to Etzig.  And for older adults, singles clubs and online dating can serve as helpful avenues in a town of college students.  

Virginia Seaver gets ready for her next move during the Friday session of the Kaw Valley Bridge Club. She has been a 

Almost every Friday at 12:30 p.m. 89-year-old Virginia Seaver sits behind a deck of cards starring at the array of suits, numbers and faces that she holds in her hand.  The Friday session is one of the four weekly games she attends as a member of the Kaw Valley Bridge Club that meets five times a week. 

After 10 years in the club and more than 75 years of bridge experience, Seaver never tires of the view behind the cards.

"Once you get interested it's hard to not stay interested," said Seaver.

For Seaver, Bridge is more than just a card game of bids and tricks.  Bridge is a history of shared memories, an everlasting hobby and a challenge to the mind. 

The memoires started from early childhood and continue to build.  Her interest in bridge stemmed from watching her parents play at the kitchen table of her Topeka home.  They not only played bridge, but rummy, casino, whist and many others.

As a child it was a form of cheap entertainment when television and computers weren't available.  According to Seaver, bridge was the social game of the 1920s through the 1980s.  It brought neighbors and friends together to enjoy a common interest.

Seaver remembers setting up book as a pretend card hands in order to participate in the games.  She also has fond memories of playing with her husband and his parents in California during WWII.

But her memoires don't stop there.  While her husband Jim Seaver was on sabbatical leaves she had the opportunity to travel to places like Israel, Italy, Great Britain and many others.  Wherever she went, bridge went too.  Seaver says she's played in several countries, on ships and with locals.

"Bridge is an international game," said Seaver.  "All you need is a deck of cards."

Her husband, a former KU history professor, is well recognized to many people in the community, but Mrs. Seaver is much apart of the community herself. Through bridge she has met lifelong friends and other people who share her enjoyment of the game.

The relationships she builds and the social interaction that accompany the game are more satisfying than winning in her opinion.  She also strives to connect younger generations to bridge.

"The challenge to me is to get people interested," said Seaver.  "It has been a very rewarding second career for me because the people here really appreciate it."

According to Seaver members of the club sometimes have nothing more in common but bridge.  Most are retired, but people from any age are welcome.

While anyone can join, skill doesn't come naturally.  One could listen to Seaver for hours and barely scratch the surface of the knowledge she holds.  From the history of the game to individual plays, Seaver is a dictionary of terms and situations.

She brings more than just a rulebook to the table though; she brings helpful coaching and an encouraging smile.  Winning is second to enjoyment.  As long as she plays well and tries her best to add to the benefit of the entire group, she feels satisfied no matter what the outcome.

According to her close friend and fellow bridge player Chris Lane, Seaver is quick to offer and provide support to everyone around her.  She is honest and proud, but never arrogant and never appearing to gloat.  

"She is always ready to teach, gently and with humor," said Lane. 

Lane describes Seaver as a mentor, co-worker, bridge partner and dear friend of boundless energy.  She also praises Seaver's dedication to bridge as limitless. 

However, Seaver will be the first to say that learning to play well does not come easy or fast.  Like any game or hobby, bridge takes time and experience to develop skill.  The game includes several different levels of difficulty to incorporate the diversity of players. 

Seaver describes the process as "starting vanilla and adding embroidery." The vanilla alludes to the vanilla color of the beginner scorecard.  As the difficulty level progresses, scorecards become increasingly detailed, just like embroidery is added to quilts or cakes.  

In order to eat from the five-tier wedding cake instead of $5 store-bought, as Seaver might say, reading about bridge is crucial.  So, when new players come to Seaver and tell her they've figured out how to play, she can't help but disagree.  She tells them that they will still be learning to play bridge for the next 80 years.

Part of her fondness for the game stems from the incredible possibilities the game features, from different hands to specific plays. With more possibilities come a greater excitement and a greater challenge for Seaver. This constant challenge that the game of bridge delivers captured her curiosity from the first hand she was dealt and will carry it to the last.

"It never gets boring, there's always something different," said Seaver.

It's a lifelong game that never gets old according to Seaver.  Some people will play until they are life masters.

For now, Seaver will continue to play with close friends and pass her 75 years of experience on to younger bridge players. 

"I think I can safely say that few have done more for the game of bridge anywhere and probably none in this area," said Lane.

Whether it is with deserved praise or gentle suggestions, Seaver's dedication to bridge touches everyone around her.

__________________________________________

Learn How to Play Bridge:

Visit the American Contract Bridge League

Students struggle to stay entertained at the East Lawrence Center.

Eleven-year-old Mariah lifts the ball as she prepares to serve to her nine-year-old opponent.   If they're lucky the pair can volley maybe three times.  After another chase of the ball, she gets bored and joins others to play UNO.

Mariah is a regular at the East Lawrence Recreational Center where she spends time with other teenagers and young adults.  While she enjoys the center, she does wish there was more to do.

"I think there needs to be more activities," said Mariah.  "After awhile it kind of gets boring."

This is one of the many challenges the city Parks and Recreation Department faces with the teen population.  The department constantly struggles with ways to keep teens involved through recreational centers and teen programming, but more space and participation is needed.

Children aged 11 to 15 are a tough age group to please.  They are not old enough to get jobs or drive a car, but still seeking ways to be independent.

Most teens are looking for places to just hang out with friends and be themselves according to Brian Franklin, Boys and Girls Club teen programmer.

"There aren't enough places for teens to hang out," said Franklin. "There are the movies and bowling, that's about it."

Right now the City of Lawrence has three facilities used as recreational centers for the community; Holcom, the East Lawrence Center and the Community Building.

All three facilities have a gym, but only Holcom and the East Lawrence Center have a game room with ping-pong, pool and foosball.

After using these activities day after day, children like Mariah are ready for a change.  The problem for the Recreation Department is deciding what these changes should be.

Ernie Shaw, interim director of the Parks and Recreational Department, is still trying to figure out the answer to that problem even after 34 years working for the city.

"Teen programs have been a challenge from day one," said Shaw. 

• Fall/Summer Activities Guide 2009 http://www.lawrenceks.org/lprd/summer-fall/summerfall09

Part of the challenge is trying to develop programs that give teens independence but still provide necessary supervision.  The department is noticing that less supervision leads to more participation on the part of teens. 

Source: Tuesday, July 14 article from the Lawrence Journal World.

Once the department finds a program that receives positive feedback from teens the challenge becomes keeping their interest. 

"It's very difficult because one month they may like this and the next month they may not," said Jo Ellis, Recreation Program Supervisor.

Many teenagers want change and independence, but when given the freedom don't know what to do with it.

Teens are so used to having activities or programs planned for them they are unsure how to react.  Going outside to play is not as easy as it seems. 

"Kids don't know how to just go out and be a kid anymore," said Ellis.

They are so used to having something else entertain them that they've forgotten how to entertain themselves according to Shaw. 

Because of this problem, it is even more important for the city to create ways for teens to stay involved and interact with other youth.

Younger children are easier to entertain compared to teens, who are changing as individuals and insistently seeking independence. 

"Once you pass that 12 to 13 age it's just like it falls off the side of the earth as far as numbers go," said Shaw.  "Where do they go?  I don't know."

Franklin of the Boys and Girls Club says trying to figure out what teens want to do is a balancing act.

He believes the city needs more places for teens to go hang out, especially since not enough funding has significantly cut many of the Boys and Girls Club summer programs for teens.

• Online Poll:

While the Parks and Recreation Department would like to create more places for teens to socialize and programs for them to participate in, it comes down to an issue of space.

 Ellis rents rooms from local churches and senior centers, but lacks the space to create new teen programs.

"Generally, if you go to a facility from 4:30 to 5:00 on to 10:00, every single one of our facilities is booked," said Ellis.

This leaves little room for the department to improve summer involvement for teens.

In the future the Parks and Recreation Department would like to build more facilities and programs specifically geared toward teens, but with no easy solution teens may have to have fun the old fashion way.

"We've tried and tried for years and we will continue to try," said Shaw.

Map of local recreation centers