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Facebook after death

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A Facebook page.  Photo by Allyson Shaw.

After death, Facebook lives on.  For some, the site becomes an annoyance; for others, a free therapy session.  And for some people, the page is an eerie reminder.  As the members of this internet-savvy generation feel the immeasurable grief of losing friends too soon, they naturally turn to the Web. 

Alex Bernath is a junior at Kansas State University.  On Aug. 25, 2007, Bernath's good friend Justin Bullock shot himself in the head after a day of intense drug abuse.  Today, Bullock's Facebook and MySpace pages remain open to the public, but locked, as no one knows his passwords. 

"Every once in a while I still check it to see who's written on it," Bernath said.  "I think the best part about it is the ability to privately message him.  Since no one can ever get into his account, that stuff will always be between the person and Justin.  It's really therapeutic."

A few days ago, Bernath wrote, "Miss you, Justin, can't wait to kick it like old times," on Bullock's wall.  Bullock's MySpace page is littered with poems and goodbyes. 

"If people were misusing it, we would get in touch with Facebook and MySpace and shut down his pages immediately, but it's obviously helping people," said Andrew Gindlesberger, Bullock's lifelong friend.  "I sometimes will go back and click through his pictures and see the parties we've been to.  Those are good memories.  If we shut it down, all of that stuff would be lost forever."

Facebook and MySpace remain open indefinitely, despite years of inactivity.

"MySpace never deletes a profile for inactivity," the site says. "However, if a family requests that a profile be removed we will honor their request and remove the profile in question."

Junior Patrick Stacy lost his high school best friend Jonathan Unseld during his senior year.  Directly after his death, Unseld's high school girlfriend Sarah used her knowledge of Unseld's password to take control of his account.

"He battled cancer his whole life and it finally took him," Stacy said.  "He died a few weeks before his birthday and she would post, "Jonathan thanks you all for the birthday wishes." It's just really weird. He's not around to say that.  Seeing somebody who I was close to, who's gone, still communicating - I don't know.  I would rather see the site completely shut down."

Sarah updates Unseld's status at least a few times each year, with things like, "Jonathan wishes you a merry Christmas."  Despite his unease, Stacy understands the usefulness of keeping the site up as a memorial.

"Posting on his wall is like putting flowers on a grave," Stacy said.  "I've never written on it or sent him any messages, but I understand why people would.  Just for me personally, I don't need a Facebook page to remember him."

The death of Jason Wren shook the University this semester.  Now his sister, Katie Wren, has control of his Facebook account.

Only a few hours after his death, a separate memorial group called "In Loving Memory of Jason Wren" emerged on Facebook.  Within a few hours, over 600 students had joined the group.  The discussion board is filled with topics like favorite Jason memory and alcohol abuse.

In April, legacylocker.com hit the Web.  The site serves as an online will for a person's virtual accounts.  Before this site, methods to transfer the digital archive were archaic; usually, loved ones had to go through a lawyer.   Legacy Locker allows a person to choose which accounts go to which beneficiaries. 

Anyone can create a Legacy Locker account with three logins for free. Beyond that, the site offers a $30 annual account which allows a person to name unlimited beneficiaries and unlimited assets. In the event of a death, the site asks the user's attorney or friends to alert the site to their passing, with a number of checks and balances in place to ensure there are no false notifications.

"I guess it's a good thing, but at the same time, why not just make a note to these people?" Gindlesberger said.  "It seems to me that someone is just trying to make money."

When a college student dies, it is an unexpected tragedy.  Few 20-somethings consider making a will.  Even so, a locked Facebook or MySpace page can help those left behind to cope. 

"It's a good way to get in touch with family members or friends of the deceased and share memories about them," said psychology intern Lisa Casullo.  "And the good thing about the Facebook option is that you are able to disconnect from it at any time.  It's important to remember that everyone deals with grief differently."

Casullo said a person needs to be careful when taking over someone else's Facebook, though.  This can make it difficult to move on.

"I think it's a really hard balance for people, when you lose somebody, to figure out how to honor that person and keep their memory while not getting so engrossed with focusing on that loss that you can't move on in any way," Casullo said.

Two years after his friend's death, Gindlesberger understands the importance of moving on.

"I think that keeping the page open can be a good thing, but then again, I sometimes see people who write on there all the time, even years later," Gindlesberger said.  "I think you have to close some doors.  You have to move on - it's a good thing.  But he will never be forgotten.  I'm not worried about that, with or without a Facebook page."

 


Citizens rewrite the laws of Lawrence

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    Many Lawrence residents play an active role in shaping the laws and regulations of this city.  From hedgehogs to human rights, adults and children alike learn that the process through which a law is changed can include both victory and frustration.
    "It can be a tough process that sometimes takes a lot of time," Lawrence City Commissioner Mike Amyx said.  "The first step is to submit an application to the commission."
    Infamous sixth-grader Judson King has his first experience fighting the man when his desire to own his own hedgehog clashed with a city ordinance which prohibited the creature.
    "When he found out, the first thing he said to me was, 'How do we make them legal?" Rebecca Weeks, King's mother said.
    Three long years of nightly research and hedgehog daydreams followed.  After he felt he was sufficiently informed, King sent a letter to the city commissioners in January 2008, asking why they didn't like hedgehogs.  Eleven months later, the commissioners put his issue on a city commission agenda.  
    The next step is a series of public hearings and then two separate votes, said Amyx.
"I was just playing with hedgehog pictures and then my mom comes in and says, 'You are going in front of the city commission on Tuesday.' I thought I would faint," King said.
At city hall, King arrived in a suit and tie bearing folders full of hedgehog facts for each of the commissioners.
   "He had justifications," Lawrence Mayor Mike Denver said.  "It was amazing, one of the best laid-out arguments that I've seen since I've been on the commission the last two years."
   The hard work paid off, as the commissioners could find no reason to keep the boy from his pet.  King now lives happily with his hedgehog, Little Luke.
   The campaign to change Lawrence's anti-discrimination laws began in much the same way - with a letter of appeal.  Lawrence-Douglas County Chapter of the Kansas Equality Coalition has approached the commissioners to protect people who consider themselves transgender.
   City commissioners officially receive the letter at their meeting on March 10, however, commissioners did not debate the proposal. Instead, they sent the issue to the city's Human Relations Commission for a recommendation. The issue was sent to the state level, where this Sunday it was referred back to the Federal and State Affairs committee.
   "Does that mean [the bill] is dead? No, it's still alive," Maggie Childs, chair of the Douglas County Equality Coalition said. "It's possible it could come back out to the Senate for a real vote. But re-referral is often used to kill a bill without any legislators having to state an opinion on it."
   Perhaps a victory in public activism will inspire a bright political career.
   "I loved having King," City Commissioner Sue Hack said.  "I think he should run for commission in April."