Same sex couples in the Midwest now have the option of marriage following an April 3 Iowa Supreme Court ruling. Gay rights activists are rejoicing over Iowa's unanimous vote to lift the gay marriage ban.
Some same sex couples are now faced with the problem of choosing whether to get married or not.
"I think that couples are dealing, for the first time, with the option of marriage," says Dr. Wes Crenshaw, Psychologist and director of Family Therapy Institute Midwest. "I think it has become a much more immediate issue now that Iowa has lifted the gay marriage ban. Couples are now having to face the issue head on."
Dr. Crenshaw talks about same sex marriage issues
Lawrence same sex couples are now facing the marriage issue, which could lead to problems among some couples.
"The good thing about Iowa is that people outside of the state can go and get married, which has sort of changed the dynamic of a bunch of relationships," says Ryan Campbell, Overland Park, senior, and outgoing executive director of Queers and Allies, an on campus gay rights organization. "They have never had that option before. People are playfully suggesting it as a way of coping with it in the beginning."
Dr. Crenshaw says the problems that could arise with gay marriage are gay divorces, custody battles, if they have adopted or are a surrogate, dividing possessions, and other things that straight couples have dealt with for a long time.
"This is a pressing issue among couples who are now having to face the facts about marriage," says Dr. Crenshaw. "Because it is such a new phenomenon, I am seeing two couples presently who are dealing with this and I can think of at least two more off the top of my head."
Partners who have been together for a while may have differing views on marriage. One partner may want to get married while the other doesn't. Dr. Crenshaw says it opens up a compatibility issue. The differing viewpoints that were always there are now coming to the front because of the lift on the gay marriage ban in Iowa.
"I wouldn't want to get married in Iowa even if my partner did," says Matt Hirschfeld, Augusta, Kan., senior, who has been with his boyfriend for 11 months. "I want more of a traditional experience. I want to have a wedding and make plans. If it's not valid in Kansas than it's not worth it."
In
the United States, each state has to recognize another states ruling. If a same
sex couple were to marry in Iowa, Kansas would have to recognize that marriage.
Kansas, however, is far from becoming the next state to accept gay marriage
into its foundation.
"I don't think Kansas will open up any time soon," says Campbell. "But then again, Iowa was a surprise. I never expected the Midwest to have one of the first gay marriage states."
Justin Buyous, Overland Park, junior, who is openly gay, says Lawrence is not the worst place to live and be gay.
"As a freshman, I was very open and I wanted a place that would be accepting of what I am," says Buyous. "Lawrence has provided that for me."
For many openly gay people, that is not enough. Campbell says Queers and Allies is trying to show people that being gay is no different than being straight. They recently held a Kiss-In in front of Strong Hall where both gay and straight couples showed public displays of affection.
"I received a lot of negative feedback for the Kiss-In," says Campbell. "That just shows me that there is still a lot of work to do."
Campbell is hopeful though. He says, "once more states lift the gay marriage ban, I think we will start to see more couples open to the idea of marriage."
Since Iowa lifted its gay marriage ban, other states, Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont, have passed bills to lift their gay marriage bans. These states will join Iowa, Connecticut, and Massachusetts by allowing gay marriage. It is unclear whether or not the citizens of these states will accept the decisions made by their State. They will be able to vote for or against the bills in their next election. Until then, Lawrence same sex couples have the option to drive three and a half hours to Des Moines, Iowa to apply for a marriage license.
"Iowa gave me hope," says Hirschfeld. "We're taking baby steps through all of this."
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