A Facebook page. Photo by Allyson Shaw.
After death, Facebook lives on. For some, the site becomes an annoyance; for others, a free therapy session. And for some people, the page is an eerie reminder. As the members of this internet-savvy generation feel the immeasurable grief of losing friends too soon, they naturally turn to the Web.
Alex Bernath is a junior at
"Every once in a while I still check it to see who's written on it," Bernath said. "I think the best part about it is the ability to privately message him. Since no one can ever get into his account, that stuff will always be between the person and Justin. It's really therapeutic."
A few days ago, Bernath wrote, "Miss you, Justin, can't wait to kick it like old times," on Bullock's wall. Bullock's MySpace page is littered with poems and goodbyes.
"If people were misusing it, we would get in touch with Facebook and MySpace and shut down his pages immediately, but it's obviously helping people," said Andrew Gindlesberger, Bullock's lifelong friend. "I sometimes will go back and click through his pictures and see the parties we've been to. Those are good memories. If we shut it down, all of that stuff would be lost forever."
Facebook and MySpace remain open indefinitely, despite years of inactivity.
"MySpace never deletes a profile for inactivity," the site says. "However, if a family requests that a profile be removed we will honor their request and remove the profile in question."
Junior Patrick Stacy lost his high school best friend Jonathan Unseld during his senior year. Directly after his death, Unseld's high school girlfriend Sarah used her knowledge of Unseld's password to take control of his account.
"He battled cancer his whole life and it finally took him," Stacy said. "He died a few weeks before his birthday and she would post, "Jonathan thanks you all for the birthday wishes." It's just really weird. He's not around to say that. Seeing somebody who I was close to, who's gone, still communicating - I don't know. I would rather see the site completely shut down."
Sarah updates Unseld's status at least a few times each year, with things like, "Jonathan wishes you a merry Christmas." Despite his unease, Stacy understands the usefulness of keeping the site up as a memorial.
"Posting on his wall is like putting flowers on a grave," Stacy said. "I've never written on it or sent him any messages, but I understand why people would. Just for me personally, I don't need a Facebook page to remember him."
The death of Jason Wren shook the University this semester. Now his sister, Katie Wren, has control of his Facebook account.
Only a few hours after his death, a separate memorial group called "In Loving Memory of Jason Wren" emerged on Facebook. Within a few hours, over 600 students had joined the group. The discussion board is filled with topics like favorite Jason memory and alcohol abuse.
In April, legacylocker.com hit the Web. The site serves as an online will for a person's virtual accounts. Before this site, methods to transfer the digital archive were archaic; usually, loved ones had to go through a lawyer. Legacy Locker allows a person to choose which accounts go to which beneficiaries.
Anyone can create a Legacy Locker account with three logins for free. Beyond that, the site offers a $30 annual account which allows a person to name unlimited beneficiaries and unlimited assets. In the event of a death, the site asks the user's attorney or friends to alert the site to their passing, with a number of checks and balances in place to ensure there are no false notifications.
"I guess it's a good thing, but at the same time, why not just make a note to these people?" Gindlesberger said. "It seems to me that someone is just trying to make money."
When a college student dies, it is an unexpected tragedy. Few 20-somethings consider making a will. Even so, a locked Facebook or MySpace page can help those left behind to cope.
"It's a good way to get in touch with family members or friends of the deceased and share memories about them," said psychology intern Lisa Casullo. "And the good thing about the Facebook option is that you are able to disconnect from it at any time. It's important to remember that everyone deals with grief differently."
Casullo said a person needs to be careful when taking over someone else's Facebook, though. This can make it difficult to move on.
"I think it's a really hard balance for people, when you lose somebody, to figure out how to honor that person and keep their memory while not getting so engrossed with focusing on that loss that you can't move on in any way," Casullo said.
Two years after his friend's death, Gindlesberger understands the importance of moving on.
"I think that keeping the page open can be a good thing, but then again, I sometimes see people who write on there all the time, even years later," Gindlesberger said. "I think you have to close some doors. You have to move on - it's a good thing. But he will never be forgotten. I'm not worried about that, with or without a Facebook page."
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