In the school cafeteria Mrs. E’s, when people talk about Jeff Grubb, they know that he is somewhat different.
“This guy has really been through something,” student crew leader, Shintaro Maeda said.
Jeff Grubb is 21 years old right now. He is a little bit chubby, and he tries to wear black or dark color clothes to hide it. When he talks to people, he doesn’t always look straight into people’s eyes.
One year after Grubb’s mom’s death, Jeff is working 32 hours a week at Mrs. E’s as a student crew leader. He is a junior geography major and he took this semester off to work to get the money for school next semester because he is paying all of his tuition and living expenses.
Grubb said he is trying to get over his mom’s death. Because what he has been through has already taught him how to be independent and protect himself, which had helped him move forward since his mom’s death.
Grubb’s parents divorced when he was six. His mom was always sick from cancer since he was born, and as the only child of the family, he raised himself.
“Because my family is really small and my parents were apart, I never had a good Thanksgiving or Christmas because I had to choose to be with either one of them,” Grubb said. “My families were never together.”
And it still shows up now. When Grubb is talking, there is no expression on his face.
“I wasn’t with my parents a lot,” Grubb said. “I have read that when parents are around children when they are young, they learn how to be open and express themselves from parents. I guess that’s probably why I don’t really show emotions on my face.”
What stuck in Grubb’s mind is that when he was young, he felt jealous when he saw his classmates have their parents to turn to when they had problems, or pick them up from school, or maybe, take them to nice places to have dinner and enjoy family times. But Grubb was always the one who solved everything by himself.
It’s okay to take care of himself all the time, or to solve all of the problems by himself. When Grubb thinks about it, sometimes he feels like it was a little unfair, but he never complains. But one thing Grubb didn’t learn and wanted to learn was how to get along with people and be a happy person.
Growing up in a small town and always being independent, Grubb used to have social problems. He was afraid to be in front of a group of people. People picking on his family situation made him become a shyer person, and he started to feel like he hated people around him. He rarely had friends, or maybe, in his words, it’s hard for him to trust someone.
“I was always afraid that people are gonna hurt me,” Grubb said. “It’s always been hard for me to love people, because I was afraid and I don’t know what love is.”
The most difficult time was that when Grubb was 18. Although he always knew his mother’s situation was getting worse, and that day would finally come, he was still depressed. By that time, he just finished high school and stayed at home. He got to know some people who got him into drugs.
“I didn’t know where to go,” Grubb said.
Fortunately Grubb’s father came from Chicago and lived with Jeff for a while. When Jeff’s parents were still together, his father was always at work and Jeff hardly had chances to spend time with him. After they divorced, Jeff’s father went to Chicago and they didn’t even have chance to talk on the phone, not mention to sit down and have a real conversation. The relationship between Jeff and his father was not very good. But this time, Jeff’s father stayed in Kansas for a few months and helped Jeff to get back on the track. Although Grubb feels regret when he thinks about it, it was the time that the relationship between him and his father was getting better. What’s more, he realized he didn’t want to be alone anymore, and that was the time that he decided he would start to learn how to be open and start a new life.
Coming to college helped Grubb to meet friends. Since he was always good at academics, he always knew that he was going to college, but he didn’t know what he wanted to do. When he was taking Geography classes, he felt like it was really interesting. He took a couple more geography classes and decided this is what interested him most.
“I got to know a lot of people who have the same interests,” Grubb said.
Grubb started to be more open, try to talk to different people and be a better person. “College really opened my eyes,” Grubb said. “I guess nobody wants to be alone all the time.”
And now if you talk to anyone who is working in Mrs. E’s, they would tell you that Grubb always tries to talk to people there.
“This guy talk about himself a lot,” student crew leader, Kirsten Oschwald said.
He has a girlfriend who also goes to KU and he has more friends than before. He works a lot and he to graduate from KU first. He plans to go to some big cities like Chicago to go to graduate school, and then maybe getting a Master’s or PhD degree.
No matter if he goes to graduate school or gets a decent job after he gets his PhD degree, to make himself become a happy person is now where Grubb’s passion from.
“I want to get a good job and be successful after I graduate,” Grubb said. “It’s not that I want to be famous or something. I just want to be a happy person, to be loved and be able to love.”
Life is not always perfect. There are some problems between Grubb and his girlfriend right now. Because Grubb works a lot and he has a different schedule than his girlfriend, it’s so hard for them to meet and hang out. “There is nothing I can do about it,” Jeff said.
But it doesn’t mean he is giving up. Grubb said that although he still doesn’t know what love is and if he loves his girlfriend or not, it’s always nice to find someone that you belong to.
. “I have more friends than ever, I have a girlfriend, I know what I want to do and I’m working for it now. Everything is going to a good direction,” Grubb said. “I’m happier than ever.”