Kelly Mesi blends in with the hundreds of other University of Kansas students walking to class. She bartends at the Hawk on Saturday nights with a positive attitude and big smile. To those around her, Mesi seems like the average girl living up her senior year of
college. However, from day to day she wrestles with an invisible
struggle. Four months ago she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
"One of the most confusing things about MS is there are times when the person is totally symptom free and it looks invisible," said Melissa Manning, Director of the KU Office of Disablilties. "MS is episodic, just because someone isn't showing a system doesn't mean they are disability free."
After a semester studying abroad in Paris and Florence, Mesi had journeyed on the very last leg of the trip when she felt the first signs of a problem.
"It felt like someone had rubbed Vaseline in my eye," Mesi said. "I couldn't get it to focus, my vision was really foggy."
Hoping it would go away, Mesi enjoyed the time with her family who had come to Europe for the last week of her trip. While traveling on a train to their last stop, Venice, the vision in her right eye vanished completely.
Once that happened, the family rushed to a hospital in Venice. Mesi automatically knew something was wrong.
"It's scary when they get you into the appointments so fast, it kind
of means something bad," Mesi said.
Within two days, a Chicago hospital admitted Mesi for testing. It turns out that a change in vision can often signal the onset of MS. Indeed, MRI testing confirmed that Mesi might have the disease. The first doctor who mentioned the words "Multiple Sclerosis," however,
was less than sensitive, Mesi said.
"The doctor looked at me and said 'You know you probably have MS,'
then he paused and said 'How does it feel to be faced with your own
mortality so young? Then I just pictured myself in a wheelchair and
burst out crying.'"
The doctor speculated that Kelly could have MS, however, he could not be positive. Diagnosis of the disease is difficult because testing often proves inconclusive. For example, MS will show up on an MRI as little white sections -- called plaque-- on the brain. However, concussions and other prior head injuries can cause plaque as well.
"No one can tell you exactly what MS is or where it comes from which
makes it very hard to diagnosis," said William Dixon a doctor Watkins Health Center.
A three-day hospital stay and an intense round of steroids later, Mesi regained full vision in her right eye. Although her vision returned, the doctors could still not tell her whether or not she had MS.
"Time is sometimes the only way to tell," said Dr. Dixon.
The new semester began just like it always had, the hustle of new classes and moving into a new house with 13 girls kept Mesi busy. Rarely thinking about the possibility of having MS, she led her life normally. She attended class, bartended on weekends and enjoyed her return to Kansas after a semester away.
In mid-October, the healthy facade faded. Mesi experienced a second relapse on the morning of midterms after having stayed up all night studying.
"The vision in my right eye looked like a movie reel that kept
spinning. I was so scared and so worried," she said.
Mesi and her family knew that a second relapse probably meant that this was for
sure MS. Within a few hours, Kelly was back in Chicago getting another MRI. This time, more plaque appeared. The specialist at Loyola confirmed what the Mesi's had been dreading to hear. More plaque meant that she was officially diagnosed with MS. MS affects the messages that are sent from the brain to the rest of the body, which would explain the vision problems that Kelly experienced.
"Its like having squirrels gnaw at the wiring in your house, things
begin to short out," Dr. Dixon said.
According to the National MS Society, more than 400,000 people in the United States suffer from multiple sclerosis. Each week more than 200 people throughout the world are newly diagnosed. A usually unemotional Mesi, spent fall break crying and watching home videos with her sister.
"Then I snapped out of it and thought about everybody else who is so
much worse off than I am. I thought abut the kids who suffer from leukemia and women whose husbands are in Iraq, my problems are so much smaller. From that point on, I decided that I wasn't going to let it stop my life," Mesi said.
Mesi flew back to school and made some serious changes to her lifestyle. While there is no cure for MS, a healthy and low stress lifestyle can dramatically decrease the chances for another relapse. Each detail of her life is now carefully planned out. All saturated fats were cut out of her diet and the amount of good fats and protein was increased dramatically. For physical activity she swims several times a week at the Lawrence Aquatic Center.
The stress of mid-terms apparently brought on Mesi's relapse. With that knowledge, Kelly now lives with a very structured schedule to minimize day to day stresses. She works on homework well on advance of its due dates and schedules naps into each day's routine. Recognizing fatigue as a common symptom of MS, she even keeps track of her food intact and exercise and symptoms in a journal. Because Kelly does not have symptoms of MS everyday, her new routine serves as a daily reminder that her life has changed.
"Things that I never used to do remind me that I have it. When I cant drink pop, write in my journal, grocery shopping it reminds me that things different now," Mesi said.
MS is known as the invisible illness because in some cases, like Mesi’s, symptoms it cannot be seen.
"A lot of people don't tell but that was never an option for me, why keep it a secret? It's not something to be ashamed of. It's not something I should I hide," Mesi said.
Mesi has taken her diagnosis and has run with it. She wants to speak out about the disease because she is young and has many opportunities available to educate others about MS.
"I started talking to other people out there with MS and I realized that I should get out there and be proactive and do fund-raising," Mesi said.
During National MS Awareness Month, observed in March, Mesi plans to host a benefit called "Cocktail For a Cure" at the Granada Theater. The event aims to educate the public and raise awareness for MS.
"You have to be able to sit back and laugh at it all so that's what the night is going to be about. Everyone getting drunk and having fun. There will even be a green drink called Inferion which is the name of my medicine," Mesi said.
While Mesi's life may have changed drastically in the past few months her spirit has not wavered.
"I still enjoy life, I have amazing friends and I am living everyday to the fullest. I wouldn't ask for it any other way."